Narcissist final discard.
That’s when they dump you and cut you off.
It can be as cold as ice, a shock to the system. It hurts.
How can they go from such an intensity to this sudden cruel rejection and silence?
Worse, they may be all loved up with a new partner around. Showing off how happy they are on Social Media.
Rubbing it in your face, pouring salt into your wounds.
Did he (or she) ever love me?
It hurts, I know. But think of it another way. You’ve dodged a bullet, trust me.
Narcissist final discard
It’s not about you. It will never be. It’s about how you make them feel.
If you are no longer supplying what they need, they’ll discard you. Like a vampire, they need someone new upon which to feed.
So, they move onto the next person they can suck on. Find a new supply.
That is, someone who feeds their ego and fragile self-esteem more than you now do.
Who will focus all their attention and energy on them. Put them and their needs above their own.
Isolate themselves from family and friends. Stroke them, soothe them, tell them they are wonderful.
Prove their worthy of their love. Forgive them anything, even abusive behaviour. And more….
Most of all, someone who will put the narcissist above themselves no matter what. The narcissist’s needs are paramount.
It’s a parasitic relationship. It always was.
You were just unaware why they targeted you in the first place.
As someone they detected was easy to manipulate. For their love bombing, at the start, was intoxicating.
It lulled you into a false sense of security. You felt safe.
They fooled you into thinking they’re the perfect person to fulfil your needs.
Tell you you’re everything they’ve been looking for. Everything they need. And in a way you are. For a while.
They put you on a pedestal. They may even believe you are the perfect person for them. But their neediness is insatiable.
Narcissistic false self
Their deep, inner shame so great, they must keep running from facing it. Hiding from their pain.
Feeding the False Self they’ve created is the only way to escape facing themselves. They do that through you.
Every time you change your behaviour to keep them happy.
Or shift your goal posts when they crash through your boundaries, you are feeding them.
They put you on a pedestal so high they start to fear you can’t live up to the unwritten rules they’ve set. They push you and test you.
Will you put up with this behaviour? Yes? Then how about this? Okay? Then, this?
Crash, crash, crash – your boundaries fall. Their behaviour gets worse. Abusive even.
Then one day you question them, call them out on it. It triggers their deepest fears.
You have found them out and can now see them for who they really are.
The real them they’re hiding from, behind their False Self. Worse, that you’ll leave them and they’ll lose their supply.
The more you do this, the greater their fear. They start to devalue and degrade you. Push you away before you leave them.
Look at you! No one will ever love you like I do.
There’ll be nasty putdowns.
They’ll use things you’ve shared in vulnerable moments as weapons now to hurt you.
Accuse you of doing things that they are, like having affairs.
It will make you feel insecure. Needy of them, wanting them to tell you they love you again.
You change your behaviour, desperate to prove you are worthy enough.
They act as if nothing has happened and it’s rosy again. Convince you, you have exaggerated it all in your head.
Once you’re down, they feel safe again, the nice side can come out for a little while. This may go in a cycle. Round and round.
The nice, love-bomber appears. Then the nasty one usurps them. Nice, nasty, nice, nasty – it tears down your self-esteem.
It’s an intermittent reinforcement. They show you enough of their loving side to convince you that’s the real them.
You crave that high that you got when they love bombed you at the start.
The less you get it now, the more you need it. It makes you stay and then put up with more when the abusive side reappears. That’s all they care about. That they can manipulate you to remain as their supply.
Supply can mean both positive and negative things.
It can that you stroke their ego, tells them how wonderful they are. That you see the real them, even though they’ve had a troubled past.
You’ll do anything to help them change. Everything for them, even changing your behaviour.
Instead of making them accountable for theirs. You’ll forgive them when they hurt you.
Or supply can also be the power they feel from abusing you and crippling your self-esteem. Isolating you from your support network of family and friends.
To the point where they control you and depend on them for everything. It makes them feel powerful and good.
But, at some point, something will give. You’ll wake up one day and smell the coffee, like I did.
See through their lies, realise you deserve better. They’ll sense they’re losing control over you and discard you before you leave them.
Or, they’ll figure they’re not be getting enough of what they need from you. Like a drug they need more. More than you can give.
Or, they’ll get bored of you. They need a stronger, newer supply. They go in search of them.
Usually, they will have identified this person up well before they discard you.
Or, you’ve worked them out and left them. Someone who can’t see through their bullshit (yet). Who will worship and adore them like you once did.
They line up their next supply. Then cut you off cold.
That is painful, I know. You can’t understand what has happened. You think:
What have I done?
Nothing. Apart from, possibly, getting stronger.
Narcissist moves on
Your response at first will be shock and hurt. Then you see them on Social Media with their new squeeze and it’s like a knife to the heart.
They look happy. He’s (or she’s) having the fun you wanted to, but never could have with them. You think:
What has she (or he) got that I don’t have? Maybe it was me that caused our problems, like he said?
Get rid of that thought. It’s not going to help you. As hard and painful as it is, you need to let go of him and his new relationship.
He (or she) hasn’t changed. They’re just feeding off a new supply, one that will end up like you did. Abused and / or discarded later down the track.
Think of it this way. As I said, you have dodged a bullet. You are now free of him (or her).
Had you left them it would have been worse. They could be hoovering you, threatening to kill themselves.
Stalking you – (75% of murders or injuries happen as you go to leave or soon after you’ve left a violent partner).
They’ll do anything to get you back. And they’ll ramp up the intensity of this, to the point it’s almost impossible to stay strong.
Even if they’ve discarded you, they may still hoover you.
They feel the need to keep you dangling just enough to satisfy them and be a Plan B if their new supply fails.
After weeks or months of no contact you may receive a random, out-of-the-blue text:
How are you? I miss you
Wham! It hits you like a punch in the stomach.
Having discarded and slammed the North Wall gates on you, they switch the heat back on.
That Hoover sucks you back in. Takes you instantly back to that craving and desperate longing you have for Mr (or Ms) Charming. You think:
Maybe this time they’ll come back for good?
Especially as they now sound like they need you more than ever.
You feel guilty and sorry for them even. You forget about the woman (or man) they ditched you so cruelly for.
Don’t let them pull you back. Their discarding you has spared you, believe me.
The longer you stay with their manipulation, the harder it is to leave. You will end up a shell of yourself, if you aren’t already.
You’ll forever be chasing the high of a fantasy relationship. With a fantasy man (or woman) that doesn’t and will never exist.
Be happy you are out of that toxic relationship. It will never lead to a lifetime of happiness.
Don’t feel jealous of the other person they left you for. They may look so happy now, you wish it was you.
But they’re in the love-bombing phase like you once were.
Pretty soon your abusive ex will start to devalue and degrade them as well. The pattern will repeat.
I’d feel sorry for their new partner, if anything. But, grateful it’s not you whose with your narcissistic ex.
Feeding off a new supply is proof they’re never going to change.
Focus on you now. Get help and support to know you deserve better.
Reach out to those family and friends you’ve become isolated from. Get dressed up, go out.
Even if you don’t feel like it. It’s time to live again.
It will hurt for a while. I know, I’ve been there. But, I’ve also come out the other end and thrived.
Be thankful you are out of there. Parasites can only ever leave you as a dry husk of yourself.
Be grateful they are sucking someone else dry as their supply. Not you.
It’s time for you to heal and find YOU again.
Understand their mind and it will be easy to heal the trauma. Once you realize you loved a fake persona you will overcome very easy the emotional abuse. Use the right mindset!
Have you been discarded by a narcissist? Let me know your story in the comments below.
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